First Mom Crisis

I had my first official mom-crisis moment today. Here’s the story:

As many of you know that I am moving back to Texas since Brian is deployed. The moving process is a difficult one in general, moving with the military is even more complicated, and moving with the military AND a baby is pretty close to impossible!!! lol

It all started when I set myself up for failure by expecting myself to be up by 8am. Yeah, that did NOT happen. My alarm went off, and realized that my son was still asleep, so I decided to seize the moment and sleep while I could. So, 10am I am awoken by my son’s babbling and fussing. Since I had to be home between 12-5 for the maintenance guy to come fix the dryer, I decided that it would be best for me to just stay home and if the maintenance guy left at a decent time to then try to get some things accomplished. Lucky for me, the maintenance guy came at 12 and was done by 1. (My dryer had two broken wheels, no wonder it was making horrible squeaky noises) Anyway, after he left, I got Brandon ready and fed him a bottle before we left. I knew that it wasn’t really time for him to eat, but figured that I’d "top him off" and feed him whatever he wanted. BAD IDEA!!! No more than a half hour after we left the house we were in the office inquiring about getting his name added to my orders, Brandon decided that he was going to throw up that entire bottle. He was chilling in his carseat asleep, and he woke up and was acting a little fussy, so I offered him his binkie but he didn’t want it. He was a little squirmy, so I figured that it was probably gas and since he wasn’t really fussing a lot I left him alone and continued discussing the orders situation. The next thing I know he had vomitted and covered himself and his carseat. Yay. I then entered panic mode! lol I took his jacket off and got a burp cloth and started wiping him down. I checked the diaper bag for a change of clothes, and like a dumb ass I hadn’t replaced them from when we were in the hospital unexpectedly a few weeks ago. Yikes. Panic had really set in at that point. I wiped down the carseat with the burp cloth and put him back in it. That was all I could do at that point. During this entire ordeal, I was being given directions as to how to get my son added to my orders. My brain was NOT in the right frame of mind to remember ANYTHING they were saying to me. Luckily, the guy was new and wanted to learn the process himself so he escorted me to the building I needed to go to and spoke to the people for me. Brandon cannot be added to my orders until his passport is in. So, basically, my move is stalled until his passport comes in. That bitch better come in tomorrow!!! Ugh, but that is a whole other story in itself. Anyway, I had another couple of places to go, but decided that I’d just go to one because I needed to get Brandon home and changed before he started stinking up my car with his milkiness. Once I went to the outprocessing building they sent me BACK to the last building I was at for the checklist I was inquiring about. Once at that original building they gave me a checklist for getting an ERD approved. I ALREADY HAVE my ERD approved. I wanted a checklist of things that I needed to do in order to MOVE. A list of things that I needed to do to CLEAR this post. Apparently, there is no such checklist. So, ALL of that in and out of buildings (6 buildings, so 12 times in and out of the car) for nothing. And, can I just say that carrying a baby in a carseat is HARD WORK!!! lol He is a heavy little guy and the carseat is bulky and hard to carry. So, I had an official mom-crisis moment with the vomiting and an official mom day by carrying him around all day. It just sucks that all of that work was for NOTHING. Ugh.

I wouldn’t trade if for anything in the world though. Especially when he smiles at me. Which he is doing right this second....only because he is making a dirty diaper for me to change. Hahahaha....well, I’m off to take care of diaper duty. I hope you had a good laugh at my expense.

And so it begins.....

the most painful seperation imaginable. Please be forewarned that this blog will probably be all over the place as my feelings are overwhelmingly complicated right now.

Brian has officially left for Iraq. 16 months. Damn, that is a LONG time. I missed him before he left, but I miss him immensely more now that he is officially gone. I honestly do not know how to describe what it feels like to have to say goodbye to your husband, your child’s father, and your best friend. Incomplete. That is really the only word that comes close. It is almost surreal at this point. I almost don’t believe that he isn’t going to walk in the door in a little while and asks, "What’s for dinner?" Saying goodbye was hard. Not nearly as hard as watching him say goodbye to our son. My heart breaks a little more each time I think about it. I cannot possibly imagine what it must feel like to look at your baby and know that you will not be seeing them again for at least 16 months. It’s unreal. He is such a brave man, and is stronger than he is given credit for. I know that I am one of many wives/husbands that have had to spend an ungodly amount of time away from their solider, and I have dealt with deployment before. I know that I can handle the seperation. I know that I will eventually not cry everytime I see little things that remind me of him. But, for now, every little thing reminds me of him. Everything. Walking into our house and seeing his side of the bed, his "spot" on the couch, his toothbrush in the holder....everything. I’m doing surprisingly well. I’m actually quite proud of myself. For now.

It’s just not fair. It’s not fair that children must be seperated from their parents, spouses seperated, families seperated for this bullshit war. It’s just not fair. Not. At. All. All I can say is to PLEASE vote. Please educate yourself and vote. Just don’t sit idly by and expect things to change. Things will only change if people stand up and make them change.

In the meantime, I will vow to stay occupied to help the time pass by. From past experience, I know that keeping busy is really the only way to keep some sanity. It may seem trivial, but I am trying to find one thing everyday to look forward to. Even the small things keep me going. Tonight, American Idol is on. Tomorrow, more American Idol. Friday, Grey’s Anatomy. That, plus all the things that I have to do to get my move organized will help the time pass by quicker. Once I get to Texas, it is really all down hill from there. Between being a mommy, going to school, and spending time with family I’m sure that the time will fly by.

I just wish that we didn’t have to be apart. I just wish that I didn’t have to go to bed alone every night and wake up alone every morning. I wish that Brian didn’t have to watch Brandon grow up through videos and pictures. I just wish things didn’t have to be this way.

What a relief!

It is official!! We found out today that my ERD was approved!!! It is SUCH a relief!! Especially because Brian is leaving for Iraq VERY soon!! It makes me feel so much better knowing that shortly after he leaves, I will be able to leave too. Now that it has been approved, we have to begin the moving process. Anyone that has moved with the military knows that it is a very lengthy process involving many briefings and appointments. First and foremost, we have an appointment with Transportation on Tuesday to schedule my household goods shipment. When Brian spoke to the transportation office today, they told him that the earliest they can ship our household goods is around April 16-17, and that isn’t guaranteed. Once our transportation appointment is scheduled, we can call housing and schedule a final inspection to sign out of housing. We can also schedule our flights out of here. Also, somewhere in there, we have to ship our car back to the states. We can’t leave until we get Brandon’s passport, which hopefully will come in on Friday. We applied for his passport mid-February, and we are still waiting on it. I called the passport office today and was told that the next pickup of passports is on Friday, so if Brandon’s comes in, we will be notified immediately. So, we are hoping that his comes in on Friday. Along with shipping our household goods, clearing housing (which involves ALOT of major cleaning because the Army is anal), shipping the car, and scheduling our flights, the Army requires us to clear a number of other offices. For example, you have to have the library sign off saying that you do not have any overdue library books. So, it is going to be interesting. I am actually grateful for the work because with moving and Brandon, I won’t have time to really think about Brian being in Iraq. I am just ready to be back in Texas with my family. As excited as I am, it is bittersweet because I am going to have to say goodbye to the Roberts family. They have been amazing friends to us, and it is going to be so hard to say goodbye. I hate goodbyes.

2 Month's old!!

From B's old myspace page:

So, I am 2 months old today!!! Yay me!!!! Mommy and Daddy keep telling me how big I’m getting. I guess they are right because I have gained 3.5 pounds and grown 3.5 inches since I was born!!! Lately my favorite thing to do is to watch the mobile in my swing go around and listen to the music my swing plays. I love my swing SO much!!! Also, Mommy and Daddy started story time with me!!! I love to listen to the stories that they read me!! I am working on my tummy time, but it is definately not my favorite thing to do. I am getting much better at holding my head up when Mommy and Daddy hold me though. I love to smile and am laughing more and more often. I also love to eat my milkies!!!! Mommy and Daddy are shocked that I am eating 6 ounces every 4 hours!!! I’m still sleeping really well too. Mommy puts me to sleep around 11pm and I sleep until around 6am when Daddy gets up for work. Mommy feeds me and changes my diaper, then I go back to sleep until around 9 or 10am. I also take a few cat naps throughout the day. Sometimes Mommy snuggles with me during my naps. Those naps are my favorite. I have also been spending alot of time with my Auntie Ginny and BFF Dono!! They love me and I love them too!!! That is about all that is going on with me!!! I’m just working hard on growing and making Mommy and Daddy’s lives complete. It’s hard work being a baby!!!

2 Months!

From B's old myspace page:

Today was my 2 month well baby dr appointment. I am perfectly healthy and thriving. Mommy and Daddy had a few questions for Dr. Sherman. They discussed the dry skin on my cheeks. Dr. Sherman suggested buying some Aveno lotion to put on it and to wash it with a sponge to get circulation going, but said that it is perfectly normal and would clear up on it’s own. She also recommended giving rice cereal anywhere between 3-4 months to help with iron levels because they naturally drop around that time. Iron and brain development go hand in hand, so Mommy may start me on rice cereal around 3-4 months. Mommy asked about allergies because I rub my nose alot, but Dr. Sherman said that there is no way to check for allergies in babies and even if I did have allergies the only thing that would be safe for me to take would be saline drops. So, Dr. Sherman recommended getting a HEPA filter. Mommy is going to buy a filter when we get to Grandma’s house. Mommy and Daddy also discussed constipation and hard poopies. Lately I have been struggling to poop, so Dr. Sherman said that I could have a little apple juice to get things moving. Mommy has to dilute it to one part juice, one part water. So, hopefully that will help with the struggling I’ve been having lately. I am exactly 8 weeks today. I weigh in at 13.2 pounds and am 25 inches long!! That is almost a pound heavier than last week, and an inch longer!!! I am definately growing fast!!!

After my appointment with Dr. Sherman, I had to get my shots. I was given the rotovirus vaccine, which is a drink. That wasn’t too bad. After the drink, I had to have my HIB shot and my DTaP shot. They were out of the prevnar vaccine, so I have to get that one next week. The HIB shot is the Haemophilus Influenza shot, and the DTaP is the diphtheria, tetanus, and pertussis vaccine. It was NOT fun getting shots, but I didn’t do too bad. I cried, but as soon as Mommy picked me up, I was ok. I am feeling icky today because of the shots, but Mommy and Daddy are taking good care of me. Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow.

Ultrasound results

From B's old myspace page:

I had the ultrasound of my sacral dimple done on Monday. Today we got the results, and they are normal!!! Yay!!! I do not have spina bifida occulta!!!! Mommy and Daddy were SO relieved!!! I also had a check up and I am doing great!!! I weigh in at 12.5 pounds and 24 inches long! I am a growing healthy boy and Mommy and Daddy couldn’t be happier!!!

Follow up

We had Brandon’s follow up appointment and ultrasound result appointment today. He had the ultrasound done on Monday. Dr. Sherman, his pediatrician, said that the ultrasound came back looking completely normal!!! Brian and I were SOOOO excited to find out that his little dimple is a "normal abnormality." He is super healthy, eating like a champ, and growing like a little weed!!! He was 12.5 pounds and a little over 24 inches long!!! He has his 2 month check up next Wednesday. He will be getting his first round of immunizations. I am making Brian go with me to that appointment because I cannot stand to watch him get shots!!! Poor little guy. So, yay for an awesome result to his ultrasound!!!!