And so it begins.....

the most painful seperation imaginable. Please be forewarned that this blog will probably be all over the place as my feelings are overwhelmingly complicated right now.

Brian has officially left for Iraq. 16 months. Damn, that is a LONG time. I missed him before he left, but I miss him immensely more now that he is officially gone. I honestly do not know how to describe what it feels like to have to say goodbye to your husband, your child’s father, and your best friend. Incomplete. That is really the only word that comes close. It is almost surreal at this point. I almost don’t believe that he isn’t going to walk in the door in a little while and asks, "What’s for dinner?" Saying goodbye was hard. Not nearly as hard as watching him say goodbye to our son. My heart breaks a little more each time I think about it. I cannot possibly imagine what it must feel like to look at your baby and know that you will not be seeing them again for at least 16 months. It’s unreal. He is such a brave man, and is stronger than he is given credit for. I know that I am one of many wives/husbands that have had to spend an ungodly amount of time away from their solider, and I have dealt with deployment before. I know that I can handle the seperation. I know that I will eventually not cry everytime I see little things that remind me of him. But, for now, every little thing reminds me of him. Everything. Walking into our house and seeing his side of the bed, his "spot" on the couch, his toothbrush in the holder....everything. I’m doing surprisingly well. I’m actually quite proud of myself. For now.

It’s just not fair. It’s not fair that children must be seperated from their parents, spouses seperated, families seperated for this bullshit war. It’s just not fair. Not. At. All. All I can say is to PLEASE vote. Please educate yourself and vote. Just don’t sit idly by and expect things to change. Things will only change if people stand up and make them change.

In the meantime, I will vow to stay occupied to help the time pass by. From past experience, I know that keeping busy is really the only way to keep some sanity. It may seem trivial, but I am trying to find one thing everyday to look forward to. Even the small things keep me going. Tonight, American Idol is on. Tomorrow, more American Idol. Friday, Grey’s Anatomy. That, plus all the things that I have to do to get my move organized will help the time pass by quicker. Once I get to Texas, it is really all down hill from there. Between being a mommy, going to school, and spending time with family I’m sure that the time will fly by.

I just wish that we didn’t have to be apart. I just wish that I didn’t have to go to bed alone every night and wake up alone every morning. I wish that Brian didn’t have to watch Brandon grow up through videos and pictures. I just wish things didn’t have to be this way.